I myself am a victim of
Institutional Rape. When I was 14 years old, I was committed to the California
Youth Authority, where I had been repeatedly Raped by three other inmates.
Out of FEAR, SHAME, and
DISGUST, I could not tell anybody what had happened to me. In my mind I had saw
the attack on me as a Gay-Attack....I had told myself that I could not be a Man,
a Husband or even a Father....I was a Failure because of what I had let happen
to me by the [gays]....I became very anti-social.
[The writer describes his
first queer-bashing.] I left him laying in a pool of blood. I knew what I had
done was wrong, but yet at the same time I felt good about myself. I could not
understand the mixed feelings that I had. I only knew that it made me feel worth
while in hurting him. From that point on, I had sought out gays in order to
assault and rob them.
[The writer describes his
relentless but shallow pursuit of women, his marriage, his enlisting in the
Marine Corps, all in an attempt to become "A REAL MAN". He became an alcoholic.
One night he was too drunk to get erect and the woman he was with, Ruth Pitts,
asked:] What have you turned GAY....the next thing that I remember [she was a
I meet this Homosexual
[David King] who invites me to his house, and after having sex with him, he says
now it is his turn, I crab him by the neck and start chocking him....I confess
to both murders.
Upon getting off of Death
Row, I was placed in the Mental Health Ward of the Penitentiary's Hospital.
After many months of Counseling, and very concerned Mental Health Personal, they
notice a pattern in my Criminal History, and one of the Counselors addresses the
issue of Juvenile Rape, and P.T.S.D. I was able to admit as to what had happened
to me. And at that point it was like a great weight was lifted off of me.
I feel remorse over what I
have done in my life, and all of the pain and suffering that I have caused
others, and more so for seeking out the Gay Community and hurting them. They
were not the ones who had hurt me, and for that I am sorry for what I have done
If there is any way that I
can bring to attention the Abuse that goes on to this day in the Juvenile
Institutions throughout the United States, and train the staff to look for
signs, maybe then a Child will not see what I have seen....If I can help one
Child from seeing what I have, then my Life will not be a total waist.
The Abuse and Rapes continue
to happen, and if nothing is done how many more MICHAEL ROBTOY'S will end up on
Death Row. We have to address the issue of what is happening in the Juvenile
-Michael Robtoy, McNeil