Survivor Stories

My rape took place very shortly after arriving at a county jail.  It took place in a shower with no staff around.  I was a pre-trial detainee at the time.  I had never been in a jail before and I had come in with an injury to my side so I was not expecting it.  The rape resulted in a life-long disease – Herpes II.  I have also been diagnosed now with post-traumatic stress disorder.  I believe rape is used as a weapon to harm.

Judges either don’t care or don’t know what to do to protect those they
incarcerate.

I have nightmares that come every night, and uncontrolled waves of fear towards correctional officers.  I don’t know how to work this out with my family.  Although they are very supportive they want me to be more “up” and I don’t know how to do that.  It has been even harder for me since my mother works in corrections.  A person who has been raped has no ability to heal without some kind of change of attitude in the system.  Although my mom has a tremendous education in her field she lacks the ability or understanding of what is happening inside me.

There just are no courses to teach correctional officers and staff including wardens on how to handle this problem.

The victim needs to be treated as a victim and not told to stuff it.  The same officers that abused me at Alfred Jail were the ones who turned the other way during my rape and still they asked me to share how I feel. 

My feelings are like walking into a town that was hit by a nuclear weapon.  You’re there and there is not much, only gray dirt and skeletons of buildings you used to know.  Everything is gone as you remember it.

Everything seems changed and you’re told to just start over.  Where do you start?  The people are changed or have moved on.  I feel changed forever from the fallout.

- Bert